With all the financial, legal, and childcare issues to resolve in divorce, it can feel overwhelming to make headway with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Usually, one of the reasons the marriage isn't working is because communications have broken down. So how do you deal with these emotionally-laden topics in a way that keeps you (and your kids) sane and healthy?
The key is to realize the relationship you had with this person is changed. They are no longer a spouse and partner, but a co-parent. And the goal of this new relationship is healthy, self-sufficient, productive children. Think of it as a business relationship and stay focused on the goal. Have you ever had to work with someone who was difficult? This is no different - put your personal feelings aside and get to the point/goal immediately.
Helpful tips:
1. Minimize contact - communicate through text, email, or other medium that forces you both to stay brief and to the point (and less personal).
2. Minimize frequency - only communicate when you need to.
3. Stay topic-focused - talk about 1 item at a time, and don't switch topics.
4. Be brief - use as few words as possible to convey your message - review what you wrote before pressing send and eliminate all emotionally charged words and personal opinions (i.e., You SHOULD do XYZ).
5. Take hot topics that seem impossible to negotiate to a neutral third party (like a mediator). They can help you strengthen your communication skills with each other and relieve the stress of negotiating touchy or difficult subjects.
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