Many of us have heard the term "servant leadership". Servant leadership is the ability of a leader to meet the needs of his/her followers. I thought about an interesting new term today of which I have titled "servant relatedness." This could be defined as the ability of each person in a relationship to serve his/her partner. I like the concept of asking myself "how can I serve my partner?"
In looking at serving others, there is another important concept tied to giving which is: do I give to serve others w/out giving myself away? In other words, am I a sacrifical giver? I'm pretty sure I used to be a sacrifical giver. I'd give so much to everyone else around me that by the time I was finished there was nothing left for myself. So? Well, there are lots of consequences to this kind of behavior such as resentment of others, the time it takes to refill from empty, and a potential to open yourself to being walked over.
So, how do I serve w/out being a sacrifical giver? The first rule of thumb: make sure your air mask is on first, and then help the person next to you. If I'm not on full, how can I be sharing fuel w/ others? This means that servant relatedness has a wonderful balance between serving others and serving one's self. We must first take care of ourselves to take care of others.
How will you make sure your energy is high so you can be of service to your partner?
-Becky Shook-Wotzka
...because each relationship is a work of art!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Compromise or Collaboration?
Undoubtedly, many of us would say that compromise is a natural part of any relationship. I don't think we can stay in a relationship without some compromise. However, I would like to propose a reframing from compromise to collaboration.
What's the difference? Compromise comes from a place of "you win, I lose" or "I win, you lose". Collaboration comes from a space of "we have a common commitment and how do we work towards that commitment together?"
This weekend is a good example of the tug between collaboration and compromise between my husband and myself. I was set on getting our goals, activities and tasks in order, and while he wanted to do that, he just didn't want to do it at 6:00am. In my hyper-state of we need to get it done now, I was blocking our commitment to an extraordinary life and relationship, because extraordinariness doesn't happen right now! It takes time, cultivation, care. So, in essence, what I wanted wasn't what I really wanted because it didn't fit with my long-term commitment of living an extraordinary life.
I find that this happens a lot. In the short-term, we think we want something, and we have to compromise w/ others in relationships to get even a part of what we want. Instead, we need to pause and ask ourselves "what is the larger commitment we have?" What are the best next steps to get us to our larger vision?
You see, in my example, needing to goal set at 6:00am is completely anxiety driven. It's not commitment-driven. So, I had to get off my high-horse, relax in the morning air, and make sure the space we live in has the right atmosphere for creativity later on.
Now, my head is clear, and I can create a goal-setting environment in nature where we can be most creative. And the results are guaranteed to be at least if not more than twice as good.
Collaboratively in life,
Becky Shook-Wotzka
What's the difference? Compromise comes from a place of "you win, I lose" or "I win, you lose". Collaboration comes from a space of "we have a common commitment and how do we work towards that commitment together?"
This weekend is a good example of the tug between collaboration and compromise between my husband and myself. I was set on getting our goals, activities and tasks in order, and while he wanted to do that, he just didn't want to do it at 6:00am. In my hyper-state of we need to get it done now, I was blocking our commitment to an extraordinary life and relationship, because extraordinariness doesn't happen right now! It takes time, cultivation, care. So, in essence, what I wanted wasn't what I really wanted because it didn't fit with my long-term commitment of living an extraordinary life.
I find that this happens a lot. In the short-term, we think we want something, and we have to compromise w/ others in relationships to get even a part of what we want. Instead, we need to pause and ask ourselves "what is the larger commitment we have?" What are the best next steps to get us to our larger vision?
You see, in my example, needing to goal set at 6:00am is completely anxiety driven. It's not commitment-driven. So, I had to get off my high-horse, relax in the morning air, and make sure the space we live in has the right atmosphere for creativity later on.
Now, my head is clear, and I can create a goal-setting environment in nature where we can be most creative. And the results are guaranteed to be at least if not more than twice as good.
Collaboratively in life,
Becky Shook-Wotzka
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Can You Hear Me Now?
When we examine the qualities that happy relationships have, whether it's a familial or relational kind of arrangement, a key ingredient always exists. If you have ever heard someone say, "he or she just gets me", they are saying one very important thing: That their perception of who I am and what I say is accurate.
I cannot stress this concept enough. In our busy world which incorporates so much outside stimuli, our inner world is very busy too. Our thoughts, and perceptions about everything are colored by a sort of tapestry that is comprised of so many different threads or elements. These elements consist of our attitudes, beliefs, personality traits, and memories. All of these things color and categorize the many types of input we receive. Having experienced this recently myself, I can tell you that even the most trained minds can fall prey to the insidious adversary of faulty perception.
Some of the best therapists, communicators, and leaders have the gift of empathy and objectivity, which allows for the listener to be completely present in what the communicator or sender is saying. So much so, that the listener is almost transported into the sender's own mind, viewing the words as a multidimensional sensory experience, and validating the sender's very core without the distraction of their own internal filters and biases. I call this ability a gift because it is an advantage in life, but not in the sense that you either have it, or you don't. This like any other interest can be learned and practiced vigorously.
In all the relationships we have, we design them based on a negative, and I don't really think most people realize they are doing it. When we think about past relationships and why they didn't work and what we don't want in any future relationships we are actually reinforcing the electromagnetic field in our immediate vicinity to continue to draw the past into our present and recreate the same past patterns over and over. How? The first thing we get on a sensory level when coming into contact with another person is a distinct feeling that begins to size that person up in our minds.This happens because their own field of energy is interacting with our own, communicating information about that person on the deepest of levels.
The key is to begin to envision wants and desires in the positive. I want my relationship to cultivate these_______ positive qualities. This is important in all relationships. I have seen this concept dramatically alter romantic relationships, and familial, even work relationships.This concept requires a divergence in thinking, a complete 180 degree shift from the current pattern of trying to manifest changes to this reality in the negative.The other element to this concept is practice. Your mind is a machine based on pattern recognition. Think about the word RE COGNITION (repeated thought process). It will be very hard to implement a new way of thinking based on the mind's ardent desire to repeat patterns. However with diligent practice, this shift can occur. New synaptic connections between neurons can form while the old ones are pruned away if they are consistently reinforced with diligent practice.
The concepts of true reflective listening, and being aware of the subtle fields of energy around us can greatly enhance the level at which we interact, and move in the worlds around us. I say "worlds" because each interaction is a voyage into the unknown regions of another person's planet, the shores of their sea, their mountains and valleys. Just as a vacation to a wonder of nature is a healing and rejuvenating experience, so can be the journey into another's world through conscious and reflective interaction. So now I ask you...
Can you hear me now?
Blessings,
Nicolina
I cannot stress this concept enough. In our busy world which incorporates so much outside stimuli, our inner world is very busy too. Our thoughts, and perceptions about everything are colored by a sort of tapestry that is comprised of so many different threads or elements. These elements consist of our attitudes, beliefs, personality traits, and memories. All of these things color and categorize the many types of input we receive. Having experienced this recently myself, I can tell you that even the most trained minds can fall prey to the insidious adversary of faulty perception.
Some of the best therapists, communicators, and leaders have the gift of empathy and objectivity, which allows for the listener to be completely present in what the communicator or sender is saying. So much so, that the listener is almost transported into the sender's own mind, viewing the words as a multidimensional sensory experience, and validating the sender's very core without the distraction of their own internal filters and biases. I call this ability a gift because it is an advantage in life, but not in the sense that you either have it, or you don't. This like any other interest can be learned and practiced vigorously.
In all the relationships we have, we design them based on a negative, and I don't really think most people realize they are doing it. When we think about past relationships and why they didn't work and what we don't want in any future relationships we are actually reinforcing the electromagnetic field in our immediate vicinity to continue to draw the past into our present and recreate the same past patterns over and over. How? The first thing we get on a sensory level when coming into contact with another person is a distinct feeling that begins to size that person up in our minds.This happens because their own field of energy is interacting with our own, communicating information about that person on the deepest of levels.
The key is to begin to envision wants and desires in the positive. I want my relationship to cultivate these_______ positive qualities. This is important in all relationships. I have seen this concept dramatically alter romantic relationships, and familial, even work relationships.This concept requires a divergence in thinking, a complete 180 degree shift from the current pattern of trying to manifest changes to this reality in the negative.The other element to this concept is practice. Your mind is a machine based on pattern recognition. Think about the word RE COGNITION (repeated thought process). It will be very hard to implement a new way of thinking based on the mind's ardent desire to repeat patterns. However with diligent practice, this shift can occur. New synaptic connections between neurons can form while the old ones are pruned away if they are consistently reinforced with diligent practice.
The concepts of true reflective listening, and being aware of the subtle fields of energy around us can greatly enhance the level at which we interact, and move in the worlds around us. I say "worlds" because each interaction is a voyage into the unknown regions of another person's planet, the shores of their sea, their mountains and valleys. Just as a vacation to a wonder of nature is a healing and rejuvenating experience, so can be the journey into another's world through conscious and reflective interaction. So now I ask you...
Can you hear me now?
Blessings,
Nicolina
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