Compromise or Collaboration?

Undoubtedly, many of us would say that compromise is a natural part of any relationship. I don't think we can stay in a relationship without some compromise. However, I would like to propose a reframing from compromise to collaboration.

What's the difference? Compromise comes from a place of "you win, I lose" or "I win, you lose". Collaboration comes from a space of "we have a common commitment and how do we work towards that commitment together?"

This weekend is a good example of the tug between collaboration and compromise between my husband and myself. I was set on getting our goals, activities and tasks in order, and while he wanted to do that, he just didn't want to do it at 6:00am. In my hyper-state of we need to get it done now, I was blocking our commitment to an extraordinary life and relationship, because extraordinariness doesn't happen right now! It takes time, cultivation, care. So, in essence, what I wanted wasn't what I really wanted because it didn't fit with my long-term commitment of living an extraordinary life.

I find that this happens a lot. In the short-term, we think we want something, and we have to compromise w/ others in relationships to get even a part of what we want. Instead, we need to pause and ask ourselves "what is the larger commitment we have?" What are the best next steps to get us to our larger vision?

You see, in my example, needing to goal set at 6:00am is completely anxiety driven. It's not commitment-driven. So, I had to get off my high-horse, relax in the morning air, and make sure the space we live in has the right atmosphere for creativity later on.

Now, my head is clear, and I can create a goal-setting environment in nature where we can be most creative. And the results are guaranteed to be at least if not more than twice as good.

Collaboratively in life,

Becky Shook-Wotzka