How do values play in to a relationship? Quite a lot actually. It's interesting how I knew values were important to a relationship, but once I started facilitating divorces, I really GOT how important values are to the success of a relationship.
What are values? Values are different from interests. Interests are "likes" and our "likes" can change over time, and/or stay somewhat consistent. Values are the deep beliefs we have that are unchangeable. The level of emphasis that one lives his/her values can be stronger or weaker as the years go on, but they don't ever become non-existent in one's life.
For example, I used to have "achievement" (especially as it relates to work) as my number one value. Over time, I've learned to emphasize that a little less as I've grown my family, but it's still there and it's still important to me. It just shows up in a different level of magnitude, and even in a slightly different form.
In my first serious relationship, achievement was probably not anywhere in the top 10 values my fiance held. We were together for four years, and they were wonderful years where I learned the value of play, letting go, being more relaxed. However, long-term this was not a relationship that I could have made workable, because my value on achievement was so important, and the level of playing and relaxation he wanted did not support the level of achievement I wanted in my life. We valued very different things.
I see partners all the time who come for a divorce and one of the top reasons people divorce is a misalignment of values. So, what is one of the most important things that we should do in designing relationships? Get clear on your values, and spend time understanding the values of those you plan on being in relationship with.
What are your top five values?
...because each relationship is a work of art!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Creative in Life
Hello again!
I was prompted to write on the subject of creativity and how it applies to the solution process. Most people tend to think of creativity just as it applies to an artistic discipline of some sort. The truth is, creativity is a state of mind that can be applied to any situation. It really is where we get out of our own way and let the inspired information be channeled through us. Creativity is the place where the ego is temporarily put to sleep so that a bigger voice can be heard. A voice that has such a clear and present focus that it seems effortless for us to arrive at solutions for some of the most daunting of challenges we face.
Creativity, like resilience is one of the most useful qualities that we can cultivate in this three dimensional space we inhabit. Creativity allows us to look at all situations as opportunities rather than obstacles, helping to reprogram the worry response in the brain. Not only is this beneficial from a health standpoint, it affects all areas of life in a profound manner, validating the co-creator in all of us.
Some things to note that describe a creative experience include a loss of time, feeling like you weren't even struggling to form the idea, like it just came to you, and a giddy feeling of excitement. You may even notice that the right side of your brain feels tingly and warm. I know it seems strange to feel your brain working on a physical level, but I can tell you from my own experience it is true. Most of the time we just don't notice it, as it is quite subtle.
Something to try so you can understand your own creative process, and its place in your life and relationships more. The next time you are in the creative zone, take note of what is happening. What does it feel like, physically, emotionally, spiritually? What happened right before, what were the conditions? How can the same process be applied to problem solving in other areas of your life? Sometimes finding a quiet place to listen is key, and you need to listen beyond the random string of thoughts that roll through your mind. You should arrive at a place of stillness, which is really more of a laser sharp focus. Then consider the dilemma, or question, take note of what you receive.
This is a form of creative journaling that you may find useful! I know I have! So tell me what you think after you have tried it. I hope you find that understanding the creative source within you can open up new ways to design your relationships and life!!!
Many Blessings,
Nicolina
I was prompted to write on the subject of creativity and how it applies to the solution process. Most people tend to think of creativity just as it applies to an artistic discipline of some sort. The truth is, creativity is a state of mind that can be applied to any situation. It really is where we get out of our own way and let the inspired information be channeled through us. Creativity is the place where the ego is temporarily put to sleep so that a bigger voice can be heard. A voice that has such a clear and present focus that it seems effortless for us to arrive at solutions for some of the most daunting of challenges we face.
Creativity, like resilience is one of the most useful qualities that we can cultivate in this three dimensional space we inhabit. Creativity allows us to look at all situations as opportunities rather than obstacles, helping to reprogram the worry response in the brain. Not only is this beneficial from a health standpoint, it affects all areas of life in a profound manner, validating the co-creator in all of us.
Some things to note that describe a creative experience include a loss of time, feeling like you weren't even struggling to form the idea, like it just came to you, and a giddy feeling of excitement. You may even notice that the right side of your brain feels tingly and warm. I know it seems strange to feel your brain working on a physical level, but I can tell you from my own experience it is true. Most of the time we just don't notice it, as it is quite subtle.
Something to try so you can understand your own creative process, and its place in your life and relationships more. The next time you are in the creative zone, take note of what is happening. What does it feel like, physically, emotionally, spiritually? What happened right before, what were the conditions? How can the same process be applied to problem solving in other areas of your life? Sometimes finding a quiet place to listen is key, and you need to listen beyond the random string of thoughts that roll through your mind. You should arrive at a place of stillness, which is really more of a laser sharp focus. Then consider the dilemma, or question, take note of what you receive.
This is a form of creative journaling that you may find useful! I know I have! So tell me what you think after you have tried it. I hope you find that understanding the creative source within you can open up new ways to design your relationships and life!!!
Many Blessings,
Nicolina
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