What I've Learned about Relationships from my work w/ Divorces, Part 2

As discussed prior, 3 extremely important lessons I've learned about relationships from my work with divorce are:

1) Aligned values are critical
2) Relationships are work
3) Take action, don't just complain

But, there's more. These are lessons learned, Part 2.

4) Acceptance is the key to long-standing relationships: Acceptance means that you can look at your spouse, understand his/her challenges, leverage his/her strengths, and learn to walk in his/her shoes. Acceptance is not about "tolerating" bad behaviors. It's about accepting where your spouse is, and challenging areas of growth where appropriate. Without acceptance, relationships cannot last.
5) Make time for the relationship: Who isn't so busy nowadays that they can't find time to even breathe at times? Okay, not literally, but really it's a world of so much busyness. Relationships today are about quality time, not quantity. So, when you actually have a little time to spend with your spouse, make it count!
6) A relationship without self-care is like a car without an engine: So, now you are telling me I have to find quality time with my spouse, and yet still take care of myself? Yep. Self-care can be such simple things like a massage once a month, a walk in the neighborhood, 10-minutes of downtime doing what you want to do when you get home.

This does not conclude all of my lessons learned, but hopefully adds a little more dimension to how we must consciously design our relationships. For example, make sure you and your partner capture your aligned values and what they mean to your family system. Have you built time in to your schedule for self-care and time with your spouse? If it's not scheduled, it doesn't happen. And what about conflict? Have you and your partners set rules around what happens when conflict erupts?

Conscious design: that's the biggest key of all to making relationships work!!!

Becky Shook-Wotzka
Making Relationships Work (even as an "Ex" or as a Co-parent)