As someone who has purposefully designed the best romantic relationship I have ever had, I am very excited to be a part of this blog. Just to tell you all a little about myself. I am a graduate student of psychology going into marriage and family therapy. I am also a 35 year old woman who has had many relationships that had elements of what I thought I wanted at the time, but never really worked into something stable. I realized I had to really think about who I am and what would make a good fit for me. With this goal of conscious love in mind, I sat down and started writing a list.
My current significant other who was my friend at the time brought a very interesting concept to my brainstorming process. What is the common thread to all the relationships I have had previously? I discovered there were two common threads actually. One involved a feeling of "love at first site". Your heart races, you are flushed, and you have knots in your stomach. There is a strong feeling of anticipation and nervousness right? This is a chemical component. Signals in the brain that tell your endocrine system to have a emotionally based physical response which then guides you toward a specific pattern of responses. These responses are usually to act in a manner to keep the chemicals flowing, and then the relationship dance begins, a course that we are almost enslaved to until the chemicals stop flowing, most likely caused by a pattern of behavior that he or she displays that effectively "turns us off".
I realized very quickly that I had never thought about a romantic relationship in a rational manner when all of these chemical were dancing around in my veins, clouding my mind's ability to manage the situation objectively. Most people never think about the other main component to compatibility which is an energy, a magnetism that is unique to the people involved, and sustained by the reciprocal energy generated by those engaged in the relationship. This magnetism is fed by a desire from both people to evolve and learn, to explore and communicate, and when the wind of space can flow between both people who are whole unto themselves. Co-dependency cannot support this kind of energy.
As time went by and I got to know him more through friendship, I began to see that their was a magnetism generating between us through our conversations, our honesty, and shared ideas. While this energy continued to grow, a natural flirtation started to happen. I watched this closely, as I knew he was watching as well. Enough time went by that I was ready to have a conscious conversation about this. Wow, really? People can decide that they want to be together instead of following the lure of the human mating dance of biological responses? This was completely new to me! So with my new resolve, I tested the waters and took my flirting into a little more of an aggressive mode via text. This spawned his immediate attention, and a meeting was scheduled. I know it sounds cold, clinical, and scary, but it wasn't. It was honest, realistic, and radically different.
Our meeting took place promptly when he got off of work, and although I was nervous, I could still think clearly. The basis of discussion was a series of questions that we would ask each other, painting a picture of what our relationship would look like from communication styles, future plans, sexual and emotional intimacy. The conversation took roughly two hours. When we were finished and we both had the information we had sought, the time came for both of us to share our desired outcome. The next 45 minutes mostly involved making out, and laughing as the outcome was what we both wanted. Now we are a year and a half into the most wonderful conscious love experience we have ever had, and there has been no slowing, waning, or depleting of that magnetism between us. The energy flows out from us to all we love as a shining beacon of conscious awareness in love, and relationships. I have never felt so happy, and connected! I look forward to being able to help many others discover the path to sustainable, magnetic, conscious love!
Many Blessings!
Nicolina
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