The biggest driver of deepening any relationship is self-care; self-care on the part of yourself and the other in a relationship. We've seen it time and time again: one partner loses interest in enhancing themselves, keeping themselves at the same level of integrity they once had w/ their partner, or even losing the skill of acceptance w/ one's partner....what happens? The relationship quickly falls apart.
Many people really do put their relationships on auto-pilot. The result of auto-pilot: we quickly lose sight of reality, get stuck in our own self-centered thoughts, and even subconsciously cause potential or actual accidents. So, how do we create continual self-care?
One of the best solutions, which is the same thing we do when we realize we are on autopilot while driving: COME BACK TO THE PRESENT!
There is a whole art and science around being in the present. The study of mindfulness is an entire discipline on being present in the moment and how to use the "now" to be your fully, centered self.
Deepening a relationship involves a level of "being in the now" that doesn't come naturally to many. We get lost in our own thoughts & worries, processing tomorrow's to do lists. Our partner is talking and we are lost in our own world. Yep, that's the way to deepen a relationship :-)
While being in the present sounds deceptively simple, we all fall prey to the predator lurking in our minds ready to overtake our focus on what is going on in the "right now". True connection is only possible when we can keep ourselves in the "now". And that entails bringing ourselves back to the "now" again and again and again and again. It's a neverending practice.
So, the next time you get lost in your thoughts, ask yourself these questions? How often do I do this, and what is the impact of not fully being in the moment now with the person I am relating to? What might be different if I was fully present?
Becky Shook-Wotzka
Practitioner of the "Now"
Life lived fully engaged - what a concept! Definitely impacts relationships. When you think about the early stage of romantic love, it's easy to be present because your hormones and neurotransmitters make it impossible not to be! But as love and relationships mature, being present requires active choice on our parts. You outline beautifully how starting with ourselves makes extending it out to others much easier and more likely to happen.
ReplyDelete