Hello Again!
A recent opportunity to assist a colleague on interview research for TV news got me thinking about human behavior. The interview is mainly about trends in divorce, and the prevalence of infidelity in relationships. The same night, I watched old lecture footage that Joseph Campbell released back in the early 90's. If you haven't read The Power of Myth, I highly suggest it. Some interesting concepts that he posed made me contemplate an interesting connection.
One of the archetypes present throughout history is the "shadow", the master of instinctual drives. The shadow lives in all of us no matter what our cultural origins are. The question I had after watching the lecture revolves around the concept of right and wrong. Is the shadow wrong for having the drive to satisfy instinctual urges, or is society a confining mechanism that doesn't take our biology into account. After writing about magnetism, I realized that recognition of the magnetic self cannot be entertained until the instinctual drive is examined in a logical objective manner, and managed effectively.
The cause of infidelity in relationships. The sentence itself has to have meaning to those who read it. A promise of monogamy, or polygamy looks very different based on the individuals involved in the system being described. The word infidelity carries a huge emotional and cultural stigma, yet humans have always had issues with being faithful over and over again throughout history. I tried to look at it another way, by understanding that the group defines the nature of its relationship boundaries. The group with the most members defines a societal standard. If a man has two wives, and the system works for that family, why is it legislated that they cannot be a family recognized by sanctions that protect their pursuit of happiness. The same rights should also be afforded to the other minority cultures that exist, and there are too many to name.
In recognizing that we are are not only magnetism, but also biology born of magnetism, I summon the strength to appreciate beauty without fear, to appreciate a family for the energy they reciprocate, and hold no claims to argue that any system that functions well is wrong.
On another note, a healthy relationship has to come with truth on both sides. The truth is that humans have biological urges that cause them to at look others besides their significant others and acknowledge their attractiveness. This does not have to be a slight against us. It is a reality, and can be quite fun to discuss why this other person is attractive to us in that moment. Since most infidelities have a communication component, the first step towards that behavior is a failure to communicate needs to one another on many possible levels. So know yourself, be strong and confident that you are a wonderful and compassionate partner in what ever type of relationship you choose to have. Honestly, it took me a long time to rationalize this, as I have been quite jealous, and suspicious in the past. I have been hurt, I have hurt others, but I have learned, and will continue to learn to the best human I can be for the greatest good of all concerned.
Nicolina
Nicolina - you raise some interesting questions about infidelity vs. cultural "rights and wrongs." It seems to me the key is "to thine own Self be true" which means knowing our own nature, including our character weaknesses, before making life-time commitments. Of course, most of us just jump into commitments and relationships, then learn about ourselves along the way :) It usually takes a broken relationship or failed marriage (and a lot of pain) to put us on the path of self-inquiry you suggest here. 12-step programs call this a "bottom" which means the pain of staying unaware of ourselves has become greater than the pain of taking responsibility to know and manage our shadows and our lives. Thanks for shining light on the shadow here and opening up an opportunity to explore it before having to "bottom."
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